I've been crying less, focusing on keeping busy, ASQ & finding work. I had a dental cleaning yesterday, and Doc asked me how Dad was doing. I calmly . . . lost it, sharing that Dad passed away this past August.
Mom returns from the Philippines this weekend. I'm a bit anxious about her re-entry homeside. Gone for the past two months, she's had company, family always around and somewhere to go on a daily basis. Upon re-entry, the freezing chill will be a rude awakening from the ongoing nightmare that Dad is no longer with us. I worry that Mom's loneliness with resurface stateside. I worry that my impatience will resurface much too often. I worry that both Mom & I will still have so many loose ends to tie up regarding Dad's affairs. How often does it take to inform every single entity that Dad has died? Sometimes I think it might be more helpful to have a card -- Amante B. Cabalda died August 30, 2008 -- that could be swiped universally, and all the necessary organizations would have it immediately marked in their records, and all would be done. And I would never have to answer another question that required the answer, He died August 30, 2008.
Strange how the death of a loved one forces us to put life aside for a little bit. Strange how we want to just disappear and hibernate for a long while. But then there's re-entry . . . into Life.
