An introduction

a toddler's image floats
in my mind's eye
next to my father's face
perchance they meet
in the Elysian Blue
before we receive
our introduction



Once someone touches your heart, the fingerprints will last forever. ~ Anonymous

A. & I started our Saturday early. Went to the gym before our 9.30am appointment to get our digital fingerprints done for our adoption paperwork. Make sure we have no history of child abuse or any other criminal background. Mailed out another round of forms, including having to provide all of the addresses for where each of us has ever lived and for what timeframe. Then ran up to JC for a few hours to do a few apartment rental repairs. We decided to treat ourselves to a little merienda at a local Greek place in downtown JC after what seemed like an already full day.

A. doesn't express much about our adoption journey. Sometimes I don't know if he's holding back or just doesn't want to jinx anything until we actually come home with the child. Probably a little of both. Over our Greek melitzana & mousaka, I was delightfully surprised when A. mentioned he'd already been thinking about how the child's room would be arranged. To whom will we donate the existing furniture? What color should we paint the room? We both agree the room should have an Jersey shore/ocean theme, and we look forward to doing something creative with a fishing pole!

Every time we accomplish another step, I always feel like we've passed one more landmark in our journey. I told A., We're pretty special to be on this adoption journey. A. said, I'm lucky to be on any journey.

A heartprint moment.

Tomorrow, we plan to take the required photos of ourselves in front of our home & in our home. More landmarks on the way to more heartprints.


158 pages to you

preparing to be
adoptive parents
we read about
separation & loss
attachment & trauma

preparing to be
adoptive parents
we learn about
difficulties & delays
illnesses & diseases

our required reading
is one of many milestones
leading to you
as we write this chapter in our lives
this Life Book
is en route to you


Portrait of a cultural worker

I've been combing through my LinkedIn and fb contacts for any corporate leads who might be interested in running holiday toy drives for ESS' Winter Wonders project. I was able to connect with a couple. In doing so, I confronted my LinkedIn profile headline, "Educator/Cultural Worker," and I momentously began to revisit my purpose in life. As the adoption becomes more real with every form signed, completed and notarized, my mind runs wild trying to figure out how I'm going to be a working mama . . . whether that's working FT or PT. Not working at all is not an option as we are well aware of the risks associated with personal healthcare/prevention and dependence on a sole income. While work may be just work, it has also been a huge part of who I am and aspire to be.

Deep in my soul, I know that I'm an Educator/Cultural Worker, who is committed to showing compassion for others as well as ennobling the values of social justice. I stumbled upon one organization's mission -- ". . . to help create a culture that honors diversity and celebrates community; that inspires and nurtures justice, equality and freedom; that respects our fragile Earth and all its beings; that encourages and supports all forms of creative expression." Such is cultural work. And yes, that's my purpose. Full-time. I hope I can impart the significance of cultural work to the little one who waits to become part of our family.


Conscious choice

In my practice, I meditate. Is this choice going to make me happy? Is this choice going to make others happy? How does this choice allow me to grow and be a better person? I've been forced to think about whether or not it's worthwhile to surround myself with negative energy, and I'm of the mindset it's NOT. While there's respect for others, it doesn't make any sense to waste time being forced to feel uncomfortable or defensive. Unfortunately given cultural expectations, some people feel a tremendous sense of obligation and the need to keep up appearances . . . and I just can't do that. It's indeed a shift in consciousness and challenge to not be sucked in by others' expectations or perceptions. As we begin to share more with others about our adoption journey, I find myself sometimes feeling a bit defensive having to justify why we choose adoption especially when others assume there's something 'wrong' or question our choice to be a forever family. What I am most aware of is that, A. & I are happy to be forever parents to a child who has already been born into the world and needs people to love him/her . . . because every child needs a loving home. It's not important to us to have biological children in a world where there have been so many orphaned. And yes, it is a conscious choice. A happy & heartful one at that.


Jumping through hoops

Though there are hoops to jump through, A. reminds me that we choose to want to be parents. We choose to want to adopt a child. So it's not so much a struggle, but I know, an honor. Sure that some little one is waiting for her/his forever family as s/he looks forward to tomorrow . . . Of course, it's worthwhile. And I'm most certainly reminded when I find myself spending three hours on a Saturday morning combing through 'adoption journey' videos on YouTube as I pat my eyes dry with wads of tissue. I've had no doubt that I've wanted to adopt ever since my Auntie J. adopted my cousin, E., when I was eight years old. And in eighth grade when we were asked to list our future accomplishments, adopting a child was on the top of my list. And no doubt adoption has always been in my heart . . . when in college, I decided to do my feature writing project on my good friend, B., who is an adoptee from Vietnam. For all the paperwork and fees that are involved as we go through the process, jumping through hoops is just a small part. As A. has told me many times, Respect the process.