Summer: in utero

i am the light of my soul
you are the light of your soul
may summer's sun shine upon you 
all love surround you 
and the pure light within you 
guide your way on 


Forced resting (nesting)

I've been under house rest since last week due to pregnancy induced hypertension as I head into my third trimester. Had to see my doctor and a specialist which has made the last few days even more anxiety ridden than usual.   Trying to avoid preeclampsia/toxemia and get my blood pressure down to a consistent reasonable reading.  Still can't believe we've made it this far.  And in the midst of having to suddenly not deal with work deadlines and an exhausting commute in the oppressive heat . . . I now realize how draining it has been for me to be out of our home for 12 plus hours a day, pregnant and walking from Port Authority to work in Chelsea and back to PA . . . I've had to make sure that we get our adoption paperwork updated in time for U.S. immigration to avoid any lapse as we continue with our adoption journey while waiting for September's 'Milagro.'  Been reading and catching up on movies.  Finally outlined the ocean waves with painter's tape for our under-the-sea theme in M.'s room while trying to just take it easy.  I suppose this is part of what folks might call 'nesting' in addition to all the purging we've been doing, making donation runs to Goodwill, and trying to organize the office and nursery in preparation for our unexpected miracle.  

I have to admit, it's been quite a mindshift to cut myself off from work at least until mid-week when the doctors provide their opinions on how to proceed the rest of my pregnancy, which may mean taking leave a month earlier than I'd planned.  I am super aware that my priority is the health of this baby as well as my own before any pressing funding deadlines.  A. & I have gotten into many-a-spirited discussion about when it would be appropriate for me to stop working.  Constantly worried since we found out we were pregnant in January, A. would have preferred if I stopped working in June.  Not that I'm the ambitious type, though I certainly want to hold my own careerwise and financially.  I continue to wrestle with the anticipation of being a working mama.  After reading Anne-Marie Slaughter's article, Why Women Still Can't Have It All, I am coming to terms with the fact that it's perfectly fine to have more than one career, wherein my professional experiences amount to a series of stairways that lead in various directions.  Who knows what graces miracles bring in the future? 

A. & I have certainly waited a long time to be parents. And we're told, these first years go so quickly.  While planning is particularly important, so is trusting in the Divine that things will work out fine.  A. has been so supportive through our pregnancy adventure as he has worked so lovingly to take care of us as Chef, Launderer, Garbage Man, Home Organizer and so much more.  I remain in awe of what an amazing life partner and blessing A. is to me.  More than once, he has told me, S., you don't always have to be the fierce woman warrior.  

No, I don't.  


Meditation revolution

Day 1 of Yoga Journal's Meditation Revolution.  And golly do I need it!  I was wound up this past weekend. You'd think with three adoption homestudy visits in less than three years, a fourth one wouldn't bother A. & me as much.  Yet, it did.  We weren't anxious about the visit itself.  But the social worker's visit left us a  bit miffed given that we had to pay an updated homestudy fee, and the woman was in our home for all of 30 minutes.  Go figure. It is what it is.  We just have to do what we have to do to maintain our immigration status and keep our adoption paperwork updated.  Just super frustrating what the U.S. and Philippine governments make us do to remain in waiting mode for our child in the Philippines.  

In the midst of work deadlines, preparing for maternity leave.  Oh yes, and we're purging at home, making donations to Goodwill  as we organize what will be 'Milagro's' room. 

So I signed up for 28 days of daily meditation.  My intention is to be a part of a transformation that leaves folks feeling a little happier and freer (myself included).  My intention is for those in the world to be filled with pleasant thoughts.  A. joined me in tonight's 10-minute meditation.  As we listened to Sally Kempton's guided meditation, I felt my breath shift.  Took me a while, too, to shift myself into a comfortable sitting position.  Once I'd settled in, felt myself relax, and Sally's voice began to soothe my frenzied mind.  Before I knew it, the meditation bell chimed, and we were done.  

Even a short 10-minute meditation has the power to revolutionize what seemed like a manic Monday into a simply sweet night.