27.12.23

Holiday vision

 






walking on the boardwalk
memories cascade
in the light rain
an emotional facial
my skin moist
ocean waves crash
in the distance
mist sprays
a peaceful grieving remembrance
his spirit walks beside me
he steps ever so gingerly
i welcome his visit in my dreams
with his fatherly advice
in traditional metaphorical riddle
no footprints in the sand
no voice
but only 
as i walk nostalgic, alone
in this sacred pause
and shadowy air
his silhouette unseen --
and he is there

3.12.23

Fog ripples









go easy, i say to this morning
please make me see clearly
may i place my feet on this murky earth
and say thank you
may i return to this miraculous breath
every wake in life
every accidental slip, intentional step, 
moment of unhinged challenge
that has been for me
i pray in the magical moment --
let the fog sweep away
all that is wrought in hate and trauma
instead, let the fog 
spread a cloud of loving compassion
turned into swinging acts of kindness
thank you, beaming sun, 
for reminding me
how strong, how deep 
these lakeside roots 
and my center stand
carry me free like the 
ripples in the fog

25.10.23

Ladybird










i took notice 
by the late afternoon's light
upon our home's foreground
that it embraces . . .
a wonder-full sight --
miraculous
it moves with a coryphee's balance
it peppers not so far off summer's magic
in autumn 

8.10.23

Shattered glass

broken spirits
as we see their unhinged selves
negative energy shatters through
still i stand
composed
under the entitled, pestilent pressure
remembering the trustful power of kapwa
loving kind kindred
sweeps me up
my hands still
my breath deep
i close my eyes

10.9.23

Power of interconnection

mr. tutu called it ubuntu
thich nhat hanh said,
there's no separation between self and other
my filipino roots tell me, 
it's kapwa
interconnectedness
we delight in each other
as we spin something 
from joyful hope
i praise the fresh air
and summer rain,
allow the tree oil
to soak through my skin
to the ends of my fingertips and toes
breathe and feel my smallness, 
breathe and feel our bigness

12.8.23

Sunny holiday's end

heartache
paced the jersey shore with 
summer's tearful mizzle

26.6.23

I see you, my sweet girl

Just returned from train trippin' with my gal. We celebrated her ladyhood (!) with our favorite Theía (aunt in Greek) Christina in Philadelphia, my dearest college friend who happens to be a school psychologist and our go-to, who reassures us our gal's doing okay, and we are too. Thankful our gal has her own special relationship with Theía!




oh the possibilities!
maybe some will be lost along the journey.
the train will appear,
then disappear many trying times
and right on time, you will find your path.
you will snap your shots as tiny moments glimmer and reflect
you will glow with joyful gratitude
delighted in what beats inside of you
as you find your way in the world and
remember your roots, our hearts hold you.
my sweet girl,
my sacred sun catcher,
see yourself and wonder,
listen to the elders beyond who whisper
and sling the stars your way
drink them and light the track.

9.6.23

Dear Deer

The last time deer appeared unexpectedly was when we decided to send N. back to school in person during the pandemic after she had been vaccinated. January 2022 after everyone else had returned to school in person in August 2021. The sight of the deer family on my morning walk then was reassurance that we had made the right decision . . . for our family. 

A female deer appeared again today during my walk with my four-legged Creagh. After having led a few PTA committees these past years, I'd recently made the decision to step up as PTA president at N.'s elementary school. While I wait to be voted in to the Board, a mix of excitement and anxiety unnerve me just a bit. And there she was, alone and regal in the middle of our suburban neighborhood field. Quiet and still. Looking directly at me. Reminding me that I am where I'm meant to be. 

Dear Deer --

Thank you for stopping me in my tracks to remember the importance of gentleness and heart intelligence. I truly believe that you have come at a time when I need confirmation that this is the next step fated in my journey to stay connected to what matters right now. I have always valued the ideal of school community and engagement. I love the importance of connection to others, to nature, to ourselves so that productive learning can happen in and out of the classroom, at home, and in our hearts in an effort to be grow in self-awareness and mindful gratitude. And so I will lead and act with that rootedness in heart connection. 

Thank you for meeting me this morning. You are my spirit animal. 

With love --
Sheelagh

18.5.23

mamahood : tired

tired of trying to make the world a better place
everyday
amidst news of gundowns and beatdowns
feeling rundown
everyday
struggling to do good
because doing good always breeds great,
doesn't it?
can we not nurture
a culture of disciplined goodness?

22.4.23

Missing star

and Manong stands there in his tsinelas
head slightly tilted, 
he strains to catch a word 
gazes at his fingers stretched out
like star points
in the galaxy,
they tumble
in slow retrograde
and his sister
unfamiliar with her brother's universe
sobs as if she lost sight of a comet's tail
a brilliance she has never known

3.4.23

The gift of spring


Having grown up in Jersey City and attended a private all girls school, a sure sign of springtime were the May crowning celebration of the Virgin Mother Mary, lengthy, sacred prayerful mysteries of the rosary along with May Day festivities as we donned our flower wreaths and whirled around the May pole. 

Every season, Spring reminds us of Her resilience, how the lemon daffodils and plum hyacinths emerge from the frozen ground as they reach out towards the Light. 
Springtime invites us to be grounded in the paradox, a need for balance amidst the harsh realities of our violent world while taking in the blessings of springtime. She welcomes us to trust in the cycle of hope. 

Spring summons us to be mindful and grateful too. How can we not embrace Nature's rapture in all of its vast and beautiful waterways, spring wildflowers and the ospreys who cirlce freely then sit atop their nests taking in grandeur. Mother, plant ecologist and educator Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer urges us to share in her indigenous elders' guidance, Mother Earth asks little of us, except to be mindful and appreciative of all that She gives us.

what She whispered to me today, 
lean on Spring's promise
even in the groundlessness of humanity
press on, breathe, make art,
show up and be you,
stretch where the bluebells bloom . . .
i respond softly,
thank you for it all --
the crabgrass and chickweed, the buttercups,
the mole holes, the rainfall,
the chelidonian, the sunlight, 
the friendly 'how are you today?' 
the ongoing anxiety of heartache 
for all that is frantic around us
and Her heart extends to mine
as a path to grace 

My wish? May we bring mindfulness to the outdoors so that we can turn our attention to the gift of Spring and what is present in the moment. 

7.3.23

Tired and tender

What a month it's been! From right hand injury to first time covid positive for our family. And I'm still standing though tired and tender as I've had to endure a forced pause. Don't realize how much you do with your dominant hand until you can't do much. And once again we are reminded to be deeply grateful for vaccines, boosters and medical science. 

this holding space 
for others
for the world
leaves me tired and tender
sometimes i am fearful and fearless
as an unexpected pause
stops me in the moment
this moment
this now
as i stroll in my tiny patch of garden
and catch a glimpse of the pupureus hyacinth
and wonder,
how do i enjoy this muddied earth 
as i stretch out of the dregs and towards the sun
embracing the space between gravity and light

24.1.23

Wandering wondering mind

The start to the new year can be emotional – coming off the high of being the magic makers for our families while pushing off the sadness of missing loved ones who still occupy our hearts from beyond. While on a daily walk, I realized it was the first time that I could actually appreciate the time and space for my mind to simply enjoy wandering. In a culture that tends to overschedule and keep busy as a badge of honor, perhaps we might consider the necessary indulgence of giving ourselves permission for our minds to wander. 

What is mind wandering? Similar to daydreaming, it’s letting our thoughts that have nothing to do with the immediate environment or task at hand, pop in and out. Mind wandering can be related to mindfulness in that we can incorporate mindful thoughts to lessen our anxieties. We can try positive affirmations or light calming strategies to help reduce stress.


For example: 

  • As I breathe in, thank you for this walk this morning. 

  • As I look up at a clear blue sky, I feel the sunshine and brisk breeze as they refresh my spirit.

  • Breathe in love, breathe out hope. 

Mind wandering can help us solve problems, enhance our creativity and perhaps support us in finding the meaning of life. 

Let’s talk about gratitude

Always so much talk about gratitude. Yes, let’s be thankful for the simplest things in our lives. That mug of morning coffee. That evening cocktail. The unsolicited tight embrace and “I love you” from our partner or child that we needed in that moment. Or even when we are engaged in the necessary tasks of domestic work such as dishwashing or cleaning bathrooms, we can be grateful for our home where we make our lives. Gratitude is a serious business, perhaps the one that might keep our communities supportive and stimulating. Insgead of relying primarily on a market economy, might we consider a gift economy


I recently stumbled upon this reframing during my most recent read of Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change by Angela Garbes. She references Mother/Scientist/Professor Dr. Robin Kimmerer's idea that we should operate from a fundamental belief in abundance grounded in the currency of gratitude:


The currency in a gift economy is relationship, which is expressed as gratitude, as interdependence and the ongoing cycles of reciprocity. A gift economy nurtures the community bonds that enhance mutual well-being; the economic unit is “we” rather than “I,” as all flourishing is mutual.

We try to teach our families about gratitude starting at a young age. Maybe it’s a chat about kindness, compliments or general positivity around humans, our natural surroundings and towards ourselves. This practice of mutual responsibility asks us to change our worldview and practice in that we are participants in each other’s well-being. Buying into the gift economy with gratitude as currency leaves us happier.

What about the gift we give ourselves so that we can restore and replenish? Ah, sleep! We owe it to ourselves to consider our personal wellness and rest our minds with sleep. The attention we gift ourselves can be an act of radical love. The everyday miracle of sleep invites us to nourish our physical bodies in a way that complements our wandering minds when opportunity arises in the thrash of it all – when we mother, father, parent, engage, lead and follow, do things well, make mistakes and get on with our day-to-day.  Our personal growth along with those in our families and circles depends on loving acts of attention as we continue to show up for each other most humbly with curiosity, gratitude, wandering minds and centeredness. 

a perfect moment when i wonder,

search up the naked canopies for nothing in particular

what if, i worry, what will happen when?

what’s our plan?

the january freeze smacks me,

i take a deep breath . . . and sigh out . . .

if i could, oh! a thought inspires me

motivates me

just as my four-legged walking pal keenly eyes two foxes hidden in the woodgrounds in a tussle 

8.1.23

All that glitters is tinsel








let loose the tinsel
that shimmers and shines
nostalgic sadness
and perfect moments
find themselves at home
during the holiday

stroll the snowy paths of anticipation
the unspoken frosted ponds of sorrow
winter waves of wistfulness churn
as the ocean breeze howls along
with the wild yet peaceful wolf 
as we breathe alongside her
in her sanctuary

all that glitters is tinsel
let our breath sparkle in healing too
for that will free us 


 
lakota wolf preserve 12.30.22
[holiday adventure]