Into memory

on the pier out in the sun
waiting for regulation fluke
summer's bay breeze whispers,
don't forget the clam strips!

As A. has begun his new position with IEEE, we continue to discuss our future as we work on requesting an extension to our immigration application for our waiting child.  To flee from the  East Coast or not?  For some reason, we are drawn to Seattle.  With A. working close to home, the mindshift without the commute into the city is incredible.  Definitely not as stressful.  And Jersey certainly does have its gems -- like the Keyport Fishery.  As with most weekends, we enjoyed hanging leisurely on the pier, where A. is known to fishermen locals as "The Fluke Guy."  While most are trying to figure out how to catch fluke, A. is throwing them back in because they're not regulation size!

A. doesn't express much his longing for our waiting child (though he assures me that it doesn't mean he's not excited! just cautiously more reserved than I) while I am constantly banking in mind memories to be made with our child at our Jersey gems.  The pier, the fishery, paths to be hiked, ocean waves to be jumped, bbqs to be grilled with our closest friends and family . . .

Summer's here.

We celebrated our dearest friend E.'s birthday this past Sunday and are most thankful for her loving presence in our lives!  To our deepening friendship & laughterful memories.  Also, heartful blessings to the R. family -- Tito F., one of my Dad's buddies, died three years ago on Memorial Day weekend (and Dad the following Labor Day weekend).


Scent of green

the garden suppleness of freshly cut grass
inspires a willow to weep no more
and flourish in the thick of sea moss  
i secretly savor a springtime apple


Under Spring's trestle

Lambertville (NJ) is our mid-point meeting place with an old college friend of mine, C., who lives in Philadelphia.  C., A., & I enjoyed a sunny, spring picnic along the Delaware River this past weekend.  We feasted on fresh bread, feta, garden tomatoes, crisp carrots and celery, homemade hummus, plump strawberries, sweet-tart apples, and baklava. Basking in the sun, we neglected to break out the bottle of wine!  I've mentioned before how fond I am of the Stars Hollow lookalike of a town.  Something about the quaintness of the locale speaks to my spirit and is a source of replenishment for my soul. 

After a year of unemployment, A. starts his new position tomorrow.  Thank you, Spirit!  We are ever so thankful that we survived this past year (especially on my modest salary as one who works in the nonprofit industry).  Things do work out the way they're supposed to . . . and that's the mantra A. & I have continued to recite -- through his medical episodes, through my dad's death, and through our journey to our child.  (I may need more disciplined practice in the mantra to work through some family dysfunction.)

Spring is nature's way of urging us, "Experience rebirth!"  It is also life's bridge to renewal and hope for all that may not seem right in the world or in our families.  My wish for you, dearest reader -- May you always connect to the Source and to what is true.  May the river's rush hush your worries.  Happy spring.


Celebrating thanksgivings

time teaches patience
like the chirping plovers 
who await horseshoe crabs and their mating ways
as the tides change
seasons bestow unforeseen and anticipated blessings
we graciously celebrate our thanksgivings

Thank you, Spirit, that we have established more open communication with PSB . . . that A. accepted a new & exciting professional opportunity . . . & that we are able to relish our time with family & friends who are dearest to our hearts, especially Auntie & Uncle, M., Tita R. & Tito R, and Ninang P. & Ninong A.


Going to be

The social worker visited this past Friday to update our homestudy, which will accompany our request for an extension to our immigration application.  Certainly not as grueling as our first (or second or third or fourth) visit with her, it was still full of anxiety. We survived, and she did too -- especially after we dumped on her about our disappointment in our expectations of PSB.  Apparently since international adoptions like ours are such long waits, PSB doesn't keep social workers on staff for long-term as they used to.  They're contracted for one month at a time, depending on when homestudies and dossiers are due for updates -- which explains why we don't have an ongoing relationship with our social worker.  While A. & I fear appearing too high maintenance given our expectations, we couldn't help but share our PSB experience with B.  We understand that this adoption journey we chose would be a long one, and the fees we pay are for services, not our child, which is why we expected to have more communication with PSB other than around which fees are due when.  We expected more in terms of ongoing support during the wait for our child.  We'd been speculating if the lack of such services could be attributed to budget cuts or cultural insensitivities.  B. was gracious enough to list to our concerns and said she would share them with PSB.  

My closest friend, E., who was my college roommate for four years, knows me well.  And she is one of the most amazing women-mamas that I admire -- her wisdom, empathy and down-to-earthness are just a few of her extraordinary characteristics.  I received a most thoughtful card from her before the weekend, and I couldn't help but tear up . . . "Being a mom means . . . Hours of sleep lost./A life time of joy gained./Tears kisses away./Giggles shared./More toys on the floor/More love in your heart./You're going to be such a wonderful mom."

Another Mother's Day has passed since we began our journey to our forever child.  At Sunday service, I looked across the pews at women in various shades of pink, red violet and lilac with their families and took note of their sons and daughters, some of whom gazed at their mothers lovingly.  During today's meditation in church, I closed my eyes (hoping I wouldn't sob uncontrollably) and listened heartfully to the lyrics sung about a mother's love for her son, witnessing his maturation as she nurtured him through his life's milestones.  I turned to A. and asked if he had a clean tissue.  Most of his were damp and used, but he managed to scrounge up a decently dry, unused kleenex.    

I am blessed to be with a partner who wants a child as much as I do.  By next year's Mother's Day, we may be getting ready to bring him or her home . . . or perhaps already have a little one in our lives.

Someday . . . we are going to be . . . parents.

Thank you for the lovely greetings I received from family and friends as they (with quiet excitement) wait patiently with us.


Divine intervention

Mother’s Day is upon us. I have no doubt that mama-in-waiting mode will kick into high gear as I reflect in church this upcoming Sunday thankful for my own mother, mother-in-law, and so many other motherly figures in my life. At 8.30am tomorrow morning, the social worker will be coming to visit a fifth time to update our homestudy since our adoption dossier is a year old. While we should be accustomed to these periodic house calls, admittedly every one is still a bit unnerving as we can’t help but feel we’re being judged on what kind of parents we’ll be. Such is the adoption journey.

Good news is, things seem to be turning around. New opportunities await A., who’ll thankfully have his choice of where he’d like to progress professionally. A. is in the best health he’s ever been, and he attributes our most recent blessings to his joining the Knights of Columbus (KoC) at our church. Ironically, my Dad was a knight and tried numerous times to enlist A. Dad must be pushing some buttons wherever he is and delighted that Sir A. has joined the same brotherhood of charity and community.  To divine intervention.

A mama's day wish for her forever child
may blessings surround you
may peace be within you
may Spirit illuminate your heart
now and always

Just had to share this Mother's Day story which was published in 2010 as we work on requesting an extension to our immigration application for our future child.  Here is Ken and Heidi's journey.  Happy Mother's Day weekend to all the mamas in our circle, those waiting to be mamas, those who love their mamas, and those missing their mamas.  Thanks so much for your willingness to share in our anticipation.