The path to parenthood

For us, the path to parenthood is a winding one. We'd made the conscious choice to expand our family through adoption and pregnancy, wanting both adoptive and birth children (if we could have both).  After a round of initial tests and genetic counseling in 2007 and a couple years of trying, we'd put to rest the thought of getting pregnant.  A specialist shared that with our B+ rating, we just needed to keep on (trying).  Even in the best health scenario, an average healthy couple only has a 25% chance of becoming pregnant.  Given our age, it was going to be a challenge. After trying post A.'s open heart surgery and clean bill of health and in the midst of Dad's cancer journey and death, we were eventually inspired to finally begin the adoption process in August 2009.  We chose not to go down the road of IVF and certainly welcomed pregnancy *if* it happened. 

Since then, we have patiently completed our paperwork, paid our fees to various government agencies, sat in the presence of a psychologist to give us his *official* approval to be parents (of sound mind and judgement), redone our paperwork, paid more fees, and have waited for our child match from the Philippines.

And then a miracle happens. 

I feverishly comb through the fine print on our adoption paperwork to review the policy on what happens to the adoption process should a couple become pregnant during the process.

I make every effort to not be anxiety ridden about the possibility of our adoption process being halted.  After all, we're so far in . . . Our dossier was approved two years ago, and we're just waiting for our child match.  I speak with the program coordinator at our agency, and she senses my disappointment.  I am heartbroken.  Because of Philippine government as well as agency policies, should all go well with our pregnancy, our file will be put on hold. We can resume our adoption process when our birth child is at least three years old.  So another three-to-four-year wait.  By then, we will not drop to the bottom of the list, but can resume our position based on when our dossier was approved (September 2010). 

Life is bittersweet.  For almost three years, we've been "paper pregnant" and looking forward to finally meeting our waiting child. 
Where are we in the matching process?  When will we receive our child match?  Are we approaching the top of the list?

And now, a miracle has been gifted to us.  We are cautiously excited, taking it one day at a time.  We expect our surprise on or around September 13, 2012.  A dragon baby.  Good things seem to happen in the year of the dragon.  

And yes, we continue on the adoption journey.  In our hearts, we have been waiting for the child in the Philippines who waits for us to be his or her parents.  And we cannot discard that child.  After confiding in a pastor friend of mine, she shared her insight with me.  In the way of the unexplainable universe, our waiting child has brought us to our miracle, and our miracle will bring us to our waiting child.  

When we, three, finally do meet our waiting child, what a journey it will have been to get there.  We have absolutely no control over the universe.  And miracles do happen.


Spring awakening

it’s spring when
three purple hyacinths bloom in my front yard
it’s spring when
on my lunch break i stroll along the vibrant flower district
aromatherapy relaxes me in the midst of an engrossed work day
it’s spring when
winter woes finally vanish into vernal sunlight
posies and people wake in symphony


Sharing our light

No matter how small or significant the events in our lives, if we're close with family, it can be a most mind-blowing experience to just share what's going on.  In 2012, thank goodness for google hangout, skype, texting, phone calls, and in-person visits.

As A. & I cautiously wait to grow our current family of two, we look forward to sharing everyday miracle moments with our closest friends and family.  Many times, we reflect on just what a roller coaster of a life it has been since we've been together for almost nine years -- his open heart surgery, Dad's cancer and death, our periods of unemployment, our journey to parenthood, not to mention changing relationships with our own parents as they bounce their way through their golden years.

Sharing our lives with those dearest to our hearts requires the sincerest of time, effort, compassion, empathy, enthusiasm, and most of all, deep love in our hearts.  May you know the happiness of others sharing their light with you, and may you delight in the happiness of sharing your light with them.      

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared." - Buddha