Keep on going

Almost a year since pandemic lockdown, and I am definitely covid fatigued as we patiently await our turn in the vaccine rollout and watch others as they finagle their first and second doses, every person for themselves. Myself included. I would have never been able to schedule my Mom for her first dose had it not been a tip from my cousin's husband who received word through local politics. It's maddening. While I usually exude optimism, I'm admittedly silently defeated trying to stay strong for myself and those around me . . . because what other choice do I have? I take solace in the words of others whose poesies artfully hold space for me as I struggle to hold space for others. 

What happens when we can no longer hold space for each other? 

At the end of the day, the only thing that helps to feel good about such a sh*! year is to work at being in service to others with whatever energy I have left. That means taking care of myself, finding ways to be more healthful, so I can keep showing up. I'm exhausted and heartbroken. Can I still connect, give, change and grow? Yes, I can. We can . . . keep going.

Yes, it's really hard right now. I cry while watching a movie. Then I write when the spirit moves me. I read, then I well up. I binge on some hulu or netflix series. I give to my family, myself, my friends and my community. I try to sleep, and I engage again. Day after day, longing to see the light as we continue to muster up patience with much grace and gratitude. I can . . . keep going. 

The Great Command
by Jacqueline Suskin

The great command holds
my attention at various points
throughout the day and night.
Keep on living, keep on living, keep on living.

I hear a voice ask me what abilities
can I manage, or what am I able?
I respond with
whatever I can muster.
I follow up my ideas with infinite thanks.
What else is there
in the face of such mystery
other than continuous celebration?
I'm just happy to be anything at all.

I say yes without fault
for nothing could be too wrong --
everything is as it should be.
How could it not be?