Attention to my breath

I keep telling myself to breathe. I've been rather unproductive today (my first day of true unemployment, I've never been unemployed by default before, I've never been laid off before) other than clearing off my desk, so that I can feel comfortable enough to attempt to "work" now that I am jobless.  As I look out the window, I see the leaves of the neighbor's tree changing into a cinnamon apple and am reminded that it's definitely a time of change.  Change I can believe in?  I'm not so sure yet, but I hope.  

The air is crisp out.  Definitely fall.  My mug full of cafe mocha (made it myself -- french pressed 8 o'clock beans with some hot chocolate) sits on an issue of Women's Health which I have yet to read.  At least, the woman on the cover is employed even if it's modeling her tight abs and well toned arms.  "STRONG & IN CHARGE" says the cover.    

Am I still strong & in charge?  As I re-read a few more sympathy cards and wrote out a few more thank you notes this afternoon, I was overwhelmed.  It's been a month since Dad passed away.  I don't even know if it feels like a while ago or not so long ago. Sometimes the sadness numbs me.  Just as I was just getting into some kind of groove at work, I now must carve out a new groove.

I will be thankful for this time.  More time to share with my Mom. More time to reflect, regroup and refocus.  I need to find my breath and re-center.  Having the time to do that makes for a much welcome peace.     

Great Spirit:  grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.