Baby bumpity-bump-bump

WARNING: I am in love with a child I haven't met yet.  I am in the process of adoption.  I am subject to cry at any moment.  Please bear with me until my referral comes. 

While I don't have a baby bump that is physically visible, others might see our baby bump(s) in our distress (and sometimes when I'm alone in my tears).  Our baby bump(s) is tangible, and we feel it ache not beneath my diaphragm, but in our hearts.  A year after we've submitted our dossier, we still have no child match.  And one year later, we have to resubmit criminal verifications, financial statements and an updated homestudy . . . at a cost of course - along with all of the associated fees.  My expert adoption mama, L., tells me the paper chase doesn't stop once we have our child, so get used to it.  

Our dossier is a year old, so we have to renew some documents.  Our immigration application expires in June, and we'll have to request an extension since it's unlikely we'll hear of any referral before then.  We know nothing of where we are in the match process on ICAB's end, except that R. on PSB's end in the Philippines has supposedly begun to shop our parent profile around to different orphanages.  Other than that, no other information. In addition to paper chasing, feels like we need to be a little more proactive with PSB, who isn't as forthcoming as we'd like.  All par for the adoption process as I've heard from a handful of parents who've been on this journey before.  We need to be assertive.  A. and I definitely need to be more dogmatic about checking in with PSB.

In what feels like our more desperate moments, it sometimes seems as if we'll never get our referral.  Or A. will be 50, and I'll be 46 by the time our child arrives.  That's eight years from now.  Or it'll just never happen.  Out of frustration, A. says we should just pull out of the process and take the loss.  Me?  I respond, how can we . . . we're so far into the process already . . . I want this.  In an effort to remain calm and patient, I tell A., this is the process.  Others who've adopted have experienced the same setbacks. 

To our chagrin, we wait, re-do some paperwork and try to keep the hope.  Bumpity-bump-bump . . . bumpity-bump-bump . . . look at us go!