Waiting for our sun

As we wait for our pinoy sun to shine upon our adoption journey, I have to admit that it's not always an easy wait.  Some days are more challenging than others.  Like when I find myself overwhelmed at a Sunday service because I'm sitting in the pew behind a family that includes a most precious  baby, and I think about how much I wish my Dad were around to be on this journey with us.  Some days, time is moving much more quickly than we expected.  Like this morning. A. & I took the day off to get our federal fingerprints done as part of our future child's immigration paperwork.  Our appointment at the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (US CIS) office at the Elizabeth, NJ location was at 8am.  We'd heard horror stories about federal fingerprints taking all day.  To our surprise, we were out by 9am.  

The waiting involved on our adoption mission certainly has its ups and downs.  Excited to cross off yet another task on our adoption to-do list, we are elated for about two seconds.  Then the buzz wears off.  It will probably be a while before we receive any word about a pre-match, then a referral.  And when we do get our referral, we'll have to consult with a physician familiar with international adoptions before we officially accept . . . & there will be another round of paperwork to push through, so that we can actually travel and bring our child home to the States.  It really is nothing like a physical pregnancy.  I don't have this bump in my body, making me feel a certain way physically.  I can't see it growing day-by-day.  I don't have folks asking me how I feel, telling me how stunning or exhausted I look . . . because I have no bump to show for it.    

And then there's spring cleaning . . . dealing with the reality that there's still much to be done in terms of making physical space in our home for this child.  We've long made space in our hearts.  In our home requires much more time and thought.  More time to purge of items to be donated and more serious thought about the actuality that a child will be joining our family.  Yes, common to most families expecting to bring children into their family.  But I realize, as an adoptive family, there really are layers as well as keen sensitivities to raising an adoptee child, and all my reading tells me so in addition to the adoptive parents in our circles.  A. & I are in frequent discussions about our parental resources and tools, perhaps more so than the usual expecting couple.  This morning over brunch, A. mentioned he can't wait until we're past all the paperwork, placement visits and court dates because then, our child will be officially ours.  

You need a license to drive, but you don't need one to be a (birth) parent.  Just because you have kids doesn't mean you're all grown up.  And yet, adoptive parents must endure all kinds of medical, psychological, criminal and financial clearances before they are approved to be parents.  Sometimes it bites.  Just a little.  Until we conquer the next task in our adoption process and are another step closer . . . to seeing the sun.