N. is six weeks old. After working in the city for the past 18 years, I officially submitted my resignation last Friday, effective October 5th, so that I can spend the first year with N. This weekend marks the fall equinox. It's definitely a time for reflection as another life change invites me to dig deep and trust that I'm meant to be where I am at this moment in time.
Hormones aside, the transition to life with baby has left me not only sleep deprived, but also anxious about what the future holds. I turn to my partner, A., for his emotional and financial support. I am well aware that I will not be contributing financially to our household income for the next year, and I feel super guilty about it . . . despite the fact that we've run the numbers and planned for this special time. No doubt a year goes by fast. Still I wonder, Will I be able to find a future position that suits my family needs? Can I find an opportunity close to home?
A. recently asked me, Did you think you would be where you are ten years ago? Certainly not. Back then, I was sure I'd never marry and live in my one-bedroom apartment with my bulldog, Daffodil (who doesn't exist), and continue to work in the city. Funny how life works out. And ten years from now? Who knows?
I turn to the Present. I remind myself to focus on the now. Savor each day, moment by moment.
Six weeks since N.'s birth, I notice that my relationships are changing -- with colleagues, family, and friends. I have a new found respect for parents. I always promised myself that I would not become one of those women who becomes obsessed with only their offspring and their family life. But sometimes there's little time for anything else amidst the childcare and task mastery. And if there is a spare minute or two, I'm lucky to just close my eyes or take a shower!
I turn to my Mother Council, a privileged intimate group of friends to whom I often seek support and wisdom on various concerns. I am blessed to be close to these women who model the kind of mama I hope to grow into. With multiple demands, they remain down-to-earth and close to those who matter, including the relationships they nurture with their friends. I also turn to my women confidantes who choose not to be mothers, and they, too, with their multitasking stay connected. The women in my life are courageous and inspire me through their very being.
The reality as I used to know it -- just A. and me, hours spent commuting back and forth to work, funding requests and proposal deadlines -- has definitely shifted. A. & I have waited a long time for N. to join us. I turn to N., and she has changed my life in ways I only imagined for so long.
Admittedly what I don't do often enough is . . . turn to Spirit, who has brought me thus far. What I must remember is . . . turn, turn, turn to the Divine especially as the season of autumn allows me to pause and cherish my time with N.
The reality as I used to know it -- just A. and me, hours spent commuting back and forth to work, funding requests and proposal deadlines -- has definitely shifted. A. & I have waited a long time for N. to join us. I turn to N., and she has changed my life in ways I only imagined for so long.
Admittedly what I don't do often enough is . . . turn to Spirit, who has brought me thus far. What I must remember is . . . turn, turn, turn to the Divine especially as the season of autumn allows me to pause and cherish my time with N.
