Bobbing patience

Two years, one month, and four days that we're (not) expecting.  Most usually focus on the mom who's expecting.  Few give any attention to the father.  This past weekend, I was reminded how much A. is looking forward to becoming a dad just as much as I look forward to becoming a mama.  A. is much more disenchanted with all the waiting we've been doing, and I am more forgiving and accepting that the long wait is a part of the journey.  Every time the wait seems endless, A. says, "Can we just cancel?"  I know he doesn't mean it, that frustration is just getting the best of him.  He's convinced that he'll be 50 by the time we receive our child referral.  While we can't control how quickly the Philippine Inter-Country Adoption Board matches us with our future daughter or son, I know that some little one is wondering when she or he will finally get parents.  I gently point out to A., Let's enjoy our time BC (before child).  Not so easy when every waking moment is committed to something that has to be done whether it's work, home repairs, or plain exhaustion from the day-to-day.  For A., who is happening upon a 40-something birthday this month, along with his five-year healthy heart anniversary this upcoming December, the anticipation of our child is admittedly related to his mortality.  When A. unexpectedly underwent his quadruple bypass in 2006, he'd shared with me that his absolute only regret was not having a child as he didn't want to leave me alone in the world if he were to die.  And every day, I am thankful for the time A. & I have together.  

Prayer for the Dad-To-Be
girl or boy, it doesn't matter
your child 
of you
with you
patience bobs up and down
on ocean's ends 
as daughter or son and dad
wait to free memories of past's decisions