How to stay close & stay sane

Mother and daughter relationships can be fun and close as well as insane and exasperating depending on what stage in life Mom or daughter may be in.  Since Dad has passed, I find that I'm playing more of the parent role with Mom, and it can be exhausting.  A most challenging role, my soon-to-be 38-year-old-wisdom is no disciplinarian to my Mom's 67-year-old independent adulthood.  I'm uneasy if I don't speak with my Mom at least every other day, and as A. has pointed out, I badger her with questions about her health . . . Is she eating right?  Has she gone to the doctor for her gout flare up?  Is she cutting down on her salt and sugar intake? . . . instead of relaxing and appreciating my time with her. Concerns about my Mom are my constant worry.

It's rare that Mom I share memories of Dad.  Every once in a while, if the spirit moves us, we do.  But usually it's one-sided.  She'll mention how she & Dad had their early dates at Canton, Jersey City's then "it" Chinese restaurant lounge, sharing their Brandy Alexander cocktails as I dutifully listen, unable to return a share-a-memory moment because sometimes I just can't deal.  Then the following week at our usual Wednesday night dinners, I might mention how Dad loved to eat  snails from Kellog, our go-to Chinese restaurant on Route 440. Though come to think of it, my actually sharing memories of Dad with my Mom is pretty rare.

Almost two years since Dad's death, I grapple and wonder who my Mom is outside of being my Dad's wife and my mother or the nurse that she was for over 40 years.  After all, she is her own independent adult woman.  And she's perhaps had to struggle a bit to redefine herself in her new world.  From what I can see, Mom's journey to her Self has been an enigmatic one.  I know I can't possibly know everything as she experiences her own personal trials, some of which I just may not be privy to.  I am her daughter, and I worry.  

Help us, Great Spirit, to support my Mom and stay close to her.  Help us to stay sane in the process.  Give us the courage to be present to talk & listen. And thank you, Great Spirit, for Mom's generous love that teaches us to go on no matter what.