in search of renewal
I am physically and emotionally exhausted . . . coming down with a summer bug. I am sick of waiting for a work situation to unravel itself. I have no energy to be angry or frustrated, and yet I em enraged . . . my energy is at a low. Tired of waiting for a letter of agreement -- that I agree to resign, that I agree to accept a certain amount of money, that I agree not to apply for unemployment. Tired of the fake niceties that I have to maintain to maintain no drama. Tired of maintaining a semi-sane mind. It's exhausting to no longer know what you worked so hard to know, to deny what what once was your career love. I have cried myself to sleep, desperate to find a new passion, desperate because my dedication has been tampered with, desperate because what I once loved and knew so well has been taken away from me so violently. Did I really think that I would be at the same place of employment for longer than twelve years? It's a bad relationship, we both had our flaws. It's time to let go of each other, each of us in search of renewal and peace of mind.