Curb our enthusiasm

It's official.  PSB has just informed us that as of 09/02/10, we are !finally! eligible to be matched with a three-to-five-year-old child.  PSB has corrected me in that we are not necessarily in match mode as there need to be three-to-five-year-olds who need families.  Of course, back in December, ICAB members told us there were such children and that our openness to such a child would mean less waiting time.  If our referral does not come in before our immigration application expires (06/2011), we will have to pay more fees for an updated homestudy, medical and criminal clearances.  Nice.

A. & I know in our heads that the adoption process is a test of extreme patience in what can seem a majorly dramatic waiting game (just like a typical Filipino teleseries), and we work with the deepest restraint to curb our enthusiasm.  This past August marked a year since we submitted our initial application to PSB.  No doubt more bumps ahead as we make our way to our future child.  Guess that's to be expected in any parental journey.

A. & I have not yet started preparing a room in our home for our child though we've casually thrown out possible themes.  Perhaps the transition into the fall season will inspire us to begin to process the reality that we are parents-in-waiting.  Somewhere in the Philippines, a 20-hour plane ride away, our child is waiting to come home . . . to us.

With guarded eagerness, we look forward to the next step -- the moment we receive our referral.  Could be another 12-18 months.  Hoping it's less. 

Survivorship

Being a surivor has weighed heavily on my mind as we marked my Dad's second death anniversary and reflected on the memory of his memorial service.  Dad passed away Labor Day Weekend, so every Labor Day weekend following that brings some annual meditation.  At the same time, we continue to patiently wait for word from PSB about any udpate regarding the status of our adoption paperwork and child match process as I read about loss from the perspectives of adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents.  In all of these,  loss is loss.  And the experience of survival from each point of view is most profound.  As a survivor, I will hopefully be able to empathize and support my future child's loss too.

Moving forward
Any time a family member passes from an illness, those living speak about how he survived with the illness as long as he did.  Rarely do they discuss how those living -- friends and family -- continue to survive the day-to-day immediately following death or year-after-year as they courageously note each passing birthday, holiday, wedding or death anniversary without the one who has died. 


When someone comes through a medical trauma, she has survived.  When someone comes through such a hurdle, the one alongside her has survived too.  And when someone unfortuantely has given her all to survive whatever complications only to finally give into something greater than the physical world, the ones alongside her are left to survive. 


Not everyone is fortunate to have someone by his side at that moment's last breath.  Those who are left behind survive that little detail. 


Survivorship among the living can be much more challenging.  To get through each day . . . Not a day goes by without thinking of his beloved partner, wife, her dear husband, her most cherished mother, father, child or pet even . . . before one is delighted by the next flashback. 


That is survivorship. 


[Just received UNofficial word from PSB via Mr. R. that our dossier has been finally approved by ICAB.  Waiting for official ICAB notification.  Then we can finally be in the match process.  Moving forward.  With caution.]

Aloha violets

aloha . . .

a promise to love till the end of time

she watches from ancestors' rooftop gardens

a billow of the palest violets is her meditation cushion

like unripened blueberries

from where she breathes and channels --

aloha . . .

to her cherishings -- husband, daughter and son

who will evermore miss her radiance