Sweet amazing grace

the combination of valium and pre-op anesthetic
is my amazing grace that teaches my heart to fear
and grace my fears relieved

the medical staff asks me 
to place my head on a purple foam rest
cradled i am 
remarkably calm 
as if on my plum yoga blocks
i slide over 
to the operating table
and after that 
i recall nothing -- 

11pm to 2am 

twas supposed to be only an hour-long operation
my mom alone in the waiting room recounts to me -- 
after midnight, all of the lights went out
as she waited and waited and prayed and prayed
for an update

i wake up, i vomit a smidge
the medical staff strips me naked 
and wipes me down thoroughly
warm washcloths along my neck & limbs 
i am aware that this is my second NG tube
and second surgery in a little over a month
june 28th july 31st
oxygen tubes in my nose, catheter 
and other IV tubes in my arms and hands 
(my veins are small) 

post hysterectomy complication
trauma to my body 

21 staples removed
16 pounds lighter
now i'm no longer doubtful, 
of what i'm living for

'tis grace that has brought me safe thus far
i feel so alive and 
feel like a natural woman