Easter lilies period (.)

So much talk the entire Lenten season about the "Risen Lord." I couldn't help but think about my Dad. Not rising from the dead himself, but what Easter must be like for him, wherever he is. Supposed to be a seasonal timestone of renewal and hope. Hopefully Dad's some place that resembles some kind of heaven. I imagine with lots of light. I suppose it's what believers refer to as 'eternal life.' Peaceful and yet like a big fiesta. Lots of local color -- people, food, music and especially passion. And maybe lots of Easter lillies too.

So in between Mom & Auntie insisting on not eating any meat the entire week & reserving their appetites for a massive celebratory meal over the Easter weekend and in the midst of long distance calls to family members across the country or overseas, I was confonted with my mother's response to relatives asking, "How are Sheelagh & A.? Are they pregnant yet?" Usually I am accustomed to hearing the question. What I didn't expect was my Mom's response, "Oh, they are weak in reproduction." That's the English translation. In Ilocano (Filipino dialect), it's Na kapsut da. Which actually sounds worse. Even if my Mom's been thinking this, I didn't expect to hear her say it out loud. Not in front of me and so non-chalantly. I know she didn't mean it maliciously. But that's how it translates. And it's still hurtful to listen to. Sure this was my Dad's response many times, but it never surprised me as he was rough around the edges like that.

And as I was running errands with the Golden Girls (Mom & Auntie) this afternoon, the issue of not being pregnant kept following me like a bad cough . . . all the way to the Stamford Town Center. As I made a sarcastically observant comment about a crying child ot Auntie, (Glad I don't have one of those right now . . . as I'm torturously reminded that I'm probably going to bleed soon since I've started to feel a little crampy ) she says to me, "You'd better be sure you want kids." As if A. & I haven't already given lots of thought to having kids. Screaming inside my head, Yes, we want kids! . . . That's why we spend so much time with our nieces & nephews . . . That's why we send them packages . . . That's why we've researched a dozen adoption agencies for the past two years . . . That's why we've attended adoption info sessions . . . That's why we've spoken to adoptive parents/friends first-hand about their experiences . . . That's why we've come up with a handful of childcare plans . . . That's why we're hoping to sell our 1BR in Jersey City at the right time because that's where most of our adoption funding will come from! Yes, we want kids! How can you not know that?! Of course, this is the same woman who actually thought we were joking about possibly adopting an older child.

My breasts are sore. I must be getting my period. Again.