I have a new computer, my final NYU gift to myself, before I left NYU and at a discount . . . a 17-inch iMAC. It's taken over a month to finally set it up, but it is -- wireless and all. As I begin to set-up my new life after NYU, I am surprisingly calm, peaceful though my anxiety eats at me in skin rahes and itchy eyes as I try to see my way into the future.
Having to get set-up all over again is a daunting task. In my procrastination, I watch Dawson, Joey and Pacey work through their teenage experiences in a far little town called Capeside. I witness the mother-daughter struggles between Lorelai and Rory, two women who remind me of the sibling relationship between a real mother and daughter in my life -- Ethel and Devyn. And in between, I treat myself to homemade peppermint ice cream. Is this what it's like to get set-up again?
It's hard. It's scary.
I still have no clue about what to pursue next. I think much about my future family and what might be a family-friendly job or career. Education seems to make the most sense. I've even thought about teaching pre-school, just to be around kids. The job hunt must begin. I hope that I have the courage to keep searching . . . for the job that will give me peace of mind, lots of laughter, and a true sense of myself.