Thanksgiving

how many ways can i say, 

thank you so much

salamat ! agyamanak ! mahalo ! gracias ! grazie ! danke !

blessings follow us

like moving billboards of loving kinship

flashing best wishes

as we stumble upon life's milestones

Thank you to N., W., C., E., E., A., R. & M. for walking alongside us to celebrate A.'s 4th healthy heart anniversary at the 2010 Heart Walk.

The name game

Amazing how much a name invokes all kinds of emotions.  A. & I have discussed names, whether or not to name our future child, what kind of name, and yes, our child will have our last names . . . A. grew up as Allen though his given name was Alexander. No one ever explained to him why that was so. As a seven-year-old, A. was finally reunited with his parents, and no one explained to him that they were actually his birth parents, not the grandparents who’d fostered and raised him. In the States permanently, he eventually figured out that at home they would call him Allen, and at school he would be known as his full given name, Alexander.


As we await our toddler match, many have asked us if we plan on giving our child a name. Some argue that giving our child a new name would bring her/him additional trauma and establish an unnecessary colonial dominance, especially since we’re adopting an older child. Others say that perhaps it might bring about feelings of hope and a new start for the child who may have ugly memories with which to wrestle as well as give the adoptive parents an opportunity to “claim” their new daughter/son as a member of their family. And even others might advise that it’s acceptable to keep the child’s birth name along with a new given name – whether that’s a new name plus birth name or birth name first and given name as the middle name – and see what s/he decides to be called. We’re taking a wait-and-see attitude.


A recent NYT Magazine article discusses some hard realities about adoption, especially among older kids.  As I watch the documentary Wo Ai Ni (I love you, Mommy) by Stephanie Wang-Breal, I am overcome by the feelings of strangeness that “Faith” experiences as she grows to learn to be with her new American family and struggles in missing her Guangzhou family too. I wonder how challenging the adjustment will be for our toddler who will have to leave her/his orphanage and possibly own foster families. No doubt, wrought with obstacles though we will not be a transracial family (unless our child happens to be multiracial). Adoption for an older child into a new family is difficult enough given unknown history, distant and not-so-distant memories, unfamiliar new family, and our anticipation of being first-time parents.  The comforting reality is that A. is very familiar with having to adjust to a new family and new surroundings, and no doubt he will apply his personal adoptee experience to parenting as we wait . . . to grow our own family.

Mahal kita, Anak

this love engulfs me

you may ask,
how?

why?

because we wanted to love a child

and you needed a family

let our love soothe and cuddle you

We love you already, Child

The road to home

This week, my second CCC site visit took me to Covenant House New York. Approximate 3,800 youth are homeless in New York City. Young people who are unable to find youth homeless shelters do not feel safe in adult city shelters and end up on the streets or prostitute themselves for a night’s warm bed in someone’s apartment while others engage in delinquent behaviors to stay alive.  Many youth become homeless due to poverty, conflicts within their foster homes, families unable to cope with mental health or LGBTQ issues. Many are not in school and not in the labor force, nor do they have high school diplomas. Many are survivors of physical, emotional or sexual abuse. In one year, Covenant House provides a home to as many as 3300 youth in crisis and has to turn away 100 youth on any given night because there isn’t enough space. 

As I spent half the day learning about homeless youth in New York City, I had to restrain myself from becoming too overwhelmed as I listened to N. share individual youths’ stories about how they arrive at Covenant House and whether or not they make it out – successfully. One is an account of a young woman who was trafficked into the United States and held captive and prostituted for five years to be raped 30 times a day. She was able to run away from her captor and seek sanctuary at Covenant House. Another is the reality of foster care families gone bad, and a youth sees running away as his only way out. This is not uncommon.

I can already tell that this course will have an incredible impact on my worldview as I learn more about advocacy, especially for children. While some mothers-to-be may be shopping for the hippest maternity wear, this most nurturing experience comes at a time when I find myself thoughtfully tussling with work-life balance, quality of life and the anticipation of being an effective and loving disciplinarian as we wait for our child referral. It takes me the next couple of days after class to decompress, and I, an adoptive mama-in-waiting, struggle with how resources, especially social services, in the United States compare with those abroad in Africa, Latin America or Asia. In the States, people have the means to pull themselves out of tremendously difficult and traumatic situations with the assistance of government infrastructures. Not necessarily so in other parts of the world. Sadly, not necessarily so.

Still, all children deserve to be healthy, housed, educated and safe.  On my daily commute in and out of Port Authority, I can see Covenant House on 41st Street and 10th Avenue . . . and now be all the more aware.